In fear of the things you can’t name or destroy.

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Vasectomy day

Ladies, have you ever eaten you food for while it’s covered in plastic?

go ahead and try it. I know you’re not but if you did the taste of your

favorite food wouldn’t pair nicely with Saran wrap. No mouth feel, blunted

taste, it’s just horrible. I assume most of you aren’t hookers and haven’t

given head with condom on so that is the closest comparison I can come up

with. Wearing a condom is like eating your food wrapped in plastic. Having

to put one on when your married is twice as worse. This is the vagina you

are going to have for the rest of your life and you have to put up a barrier

around it so your life isn’t a Monty Pytohn sketch.FUCK THAT SHIT!!! Called

me selfish for wanting to have sex without children but I thought that was

one of the few perks of actually being married to the woman you have kids

with. What’s that your saying reader of this blog? why doesn’t your wife

take care of some of the burden of protection since she is the one who gets

preggers? Glad you asked reader. Apparently the pill made her feel wonky when

she took them which she did before we found each other at Toy r us AND a woman

getting her tubes tied is major surgery while getting a vasectomy is a

relatively quick process. I know this because she mentioned that whenever we

had a discussion about protection. Around the winter of 2002 Noah is seven and

Madigan is two. they are healthy and fairly intelligent so I figure this is

the right time to get fixed. So I make the consultation with the family doctor

and the wife joins me in my visit to the man who is going to give me sexual

freedom. After having my testicles rolled around for the first time by a dude

he proceeds to inform me of the process which I researched myself. I begin to

sign the forms to have the surgery due and since I’m married the wife has to

sign the forms as well and that is when shit goes sideways. She doesn’t want to

sign. The doctor doesn’t want to do the surgery if the spouse has qualms about

it. So that is it. No vasectomy for 2002 Adrian. As we have sex over the next

few years I sometimes dispense with the hated condom and the woman I love

proceeds to inform me that if we get pregnant it’s my fault. Owen is born in

April of 2005. In Feburary of 2007 I am allowed to get a vasectomy. At the time

I was on unemployment and her place of employment downgraded her from full time

to part time which meant her insurance was ending so now was the right time.

While I will never compare getting fixed to having a baby but it is not as pain

free as people make it out to be unless you count getting punched in the balls

by a five year old every hour for four days straight painless. During the months

that we informed people that I got a vasectomy the wife made sure to inform people

that it was all my idea. When it’s all said and done I love the three children I

have but I sure as shit don’t want anymore and sex is much better without a baby

cover.

The upside to being black

The chances of me getting harassed by the majority of the world is very low.

Your credit score is so bad you scarcely care.

A LOT of white women will try on a black to see what the big deal is.

You aren’t expected to go down so when you do she thinks you love her.

You can misspell a bunch of words on face book and people think your just

cool.

You can borrow money from all your white friends and never return it because

they fear a confrontation and being called a racist.

You can invent a bullshit style and no will call you on it.

Having an arrest record isn’t that bad of a thing and is great for music or athletic endeavors

No one expects you to know the answer to ANYTHING so when you do you seem smart.

You can serve people Kool aid instead of pop or beer and white people will never call you on it.

White people get really nice when there are a bunch of you

Getting shot can be a point of pride

Niggerriging can save you a lot of money.

Smoking and gambling isn’t nearly as frowned upon if your black.

No one really expects you to get married so when you do… divorce

isn’t a big surprise.

Beers

I like beer. To the rot gut to my standby to the sublime. I don’t start drink beer

until I moved in with my future wife. The first beer I had was a MILLER LITE and I

had to eat sunflower seeds to kill the taste. My taste buds have been refined quite

a bit in twenty years and most like beers may as well be yellow water. As long as there

are new beers made I will try then. This list of beers is by any means complete. My guess

this is a third of the beers I have had.

Most BUDWEISER products: Piss water that gives me a headache.

With MICHELOB being the exception

COORS LITE, MILLER LITE, BUD LITE taste nearly the same

PAULANER SALVATOR: If I believed in a god I would say he made this beer

STELLA ARTOIS: not bad. the after taste is good

STEEL RESERVE: FUCK YOU

HEINEKEN: makes my farts smell like I eat zombie flesh

URBOCK 23: I had this beer in one of those bars that have 99 beers. This beer

was so strong (9.6 % ) I drank two and switch back to regular beer or I would

have run the risk of getting drunk in two hours. awesome.

SOL: not bad

TECATE: my standby Mexican

CORONA: If I need to add lime and salt to drink it why would I by it?

RED STRIPE: FUCK YOU JAMACA. stick to weed and rum

312 URBAN WHEAT: Don’t really know what it means but it is from Chicago and

it’s pretty damn good.

LAND SHARK: ok

LOWENBRAU: bad farts

BECKS: bad farts

ZIMA: I actually liked it

OLD ENGLISH 800: fuck you

RED DOG: ok

MILLER GENUINE DRAFT: I have had worse

TEQUIZA: my main grip is that it was so week

SAM ADAM’S: nothing to write home about

BLUE MOON: very good

ROLLING ROCK: is/was very good

HONEY BROWN: not bad

GEORGE KILLIAN’S IRISH RED: this is the only beer that I

ever liked and it just stop tasting good.

CAMO: FUCK YOU

SAPPORO: 3 out of 5

TSINGTAO: if I wanted a cat to piss in my mouth I would own a cat

GUINNESS: nope!!

Shit that will never happen

BLACK UNITY

WORLD PEACE

WOMEN BEING TREATED AS EQUALS

A CURE FOR CANCER

DIET ANYTHING THAT TASTES AS GOOD AS THE REGULAR

STUPID PEOPLE STOP BREEDING

ANY POLICE FORCE ADMITING THEY FUCKED UP

TOM CRUISE COMING OUT

TYLER PERRY COMING OUT

FIND OUT WHO WAS JACK THE RIPPER

FIGURE OUT HOW THE SHOW FOR PEDOPHILES “TODDLERS AND TIARAS”
EVER GOT THE GREENLIGHT

GOVERNMENT REVEAL ALL THE DIRT THEY HAVE DONE
IN THE NAME OF NATIONAL SECURITY

MEN UNDERSTAND WOMEN

MEN STOP PISSING ON THE TOLIET SEAT

MEN NOT UNDERSTANDING THAT SEX WILL NOT SOLVE EVERYTHING

WOMEN NOT GET THE FACT THAT GOOD ORAL SEX CAN MAKE LIFE
MORE HARMONIOUS FOR EVERYONE

PARENTS STOP FUCKING UP THEIR KIDS WITH THEIR OWN DEAMONS

Getting married over the phone may not be such a bad Idea!

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Since my wife and I have been together I’ve been dragged to at about seven weddings and receptions

which comes out to about three every two years. First of all I would like to say marriage is a worthy

endeavor especially if you’re not too much of an asshole and plan on having kids. I’ve never had

a problem with the wedding although it is really more of a woman’s forte. I don’t think the average

man would give a damn if he got married over the phone. Weddings are over with in relatively short

time an hour and a half tops and those are the Catholic one. Everything goes down here from the

moment you leave the church.

I would like to know how come no can pick a reception that is less then forty milesfrom the

wedding.Your god forbid that you are not familiar with the city this shindig is going down.

that’s another thirty minutes you’ll never get back. I’ve been to one reception that actually

took place in a reception hall. VFW’s are the norm in this area of America. You find the table

you and plus one will be sitting and of course your sitting by God’s parents who have

nothing better to do except talk to you about the most inane crap on the planet “how ’bout

them Bears? “How do you know the happy couple” “Great day for a wedding huh?” “You

wouldn’t have an extra Depends on you? I plan on drinking and I piss like a racehorse

when I do”. Great now I have to deal with Barnaby Jones and his hag until the old folk’s

bus comes for them.

 

 

“Drink drink drink” is what goes thru my mind. If there was ever a need to use alcohol as a

crutch to get past something this is definitely it. Open bar? cool! Watered down drink? Not

cool. I have never gotten drunk at a reception and believe me I’ve tried. The only people

who seem drunk are the bastards in the wedding party and I wouldn’t want to trade

places with them for all the watermelons in the South. Then they announce the happy

couple…. why? I was just at your wedding and the people who could only make the

reception already know who you are. Are they announcing the happy couple again to

be sure some dumb ass didn’t come to the wrong hall or VFW? A clear indication

you’re at the wrong one is the lack of anyone you know at the reception. 

 

 

Right on time are the speeches from the people who took part in the wedding that

absolutely love their best friend and his/her new mate. This is the time a wish I was

a mind reader because I know the maid of honor is saying in her mind “Why is she

marrying that ass after I told her I did him twice and he gave me genital warts?”

and the best man is thinking “This stupid bastard picked the craziest woman he

could possible find, I don’t care how good she is in bed his is doomed! Doomed!

DOOMED!!” Here comes the food but you go it by order of importance so if you’re

low on the totem pole you’ll be eating in an hour or so. Mostaccioli , roast beef,

mashed potatoes, and green bean casserole, is that about right? All bland and

tasteless as most food is when produced in bulk. One side note is that I’ve never

been to a wedding with black people getting married. I don’t know what it says

about the black people I know but I get the feeling that a black wedding would

be same bs different food.

 

Worst of all is the horrible music and the tacky line dancing. Why is there music

from the fifties and early sixties on that damn dj’s hit list? I’ve seen white people

dance funny already so even that is no longer holds any interest to me. And to

top it off there was the time one of my wife’s aunt got drunk and horny offered

her “services” in the men’s bathroom. I know what you’re thinking but I

thought I can’t drunk at a reception so no I did not. I’m getting sad and pissed

just thinking about this and the fact that I know I’ll have to go to at least

twenty more in my life time. when I’m the old fart asking “which way is the

bathroom? My piss bag is getting full”

 

Ps. Just kidding about the drunk and horny aunt thing even though I’m

 

sure it’s happened before somewhere