Ladies, have you ever eaten you food for while it’s covered in plastic?
go ahead and try it. I know you’re not but if you did the taste of your
favorite food wouldn’t pair nicely with Saran wrap. No mouth feel, blunted
taste, it’s just horrible. I assume most of you aren’t hookers and haven’t
given head with condom on so that is the closest comparison I can come up
with. Wearing a condom is like eating your food wrapped in plastic. Having
to put one on when your married is twice as worse. This is the vagina you
are going to have for the rest of your life and you have to put up a barrier
around it so your life isn’t a Monty Pytohn sketch.FUCK THAT SHIT!!! Called
me selfish for wanting to have sex without children but I thought that was
one of the few perks of actually being married to the woman you have kids
with. What’s that your saying reader of this blog? why doesn’t your wife
take care of some of the burden of protection since she is the one who gets
preggers? Glad you asked reader. Apparently the pill made her feel wonky when
she took them which she did before we found each other at Toy r us AND a woman
getting her tubes tied is major surgery while getting a vasectomy is a
relatively quick process. I know this because she mentioned that whenever we
had a discussion about protection. Around the winter of 2002 Noah is seven and
Madigan is two. they are healthy and fairly intelligent so I figure this is
the right time to get fixed. So I make the consultation with the family doctor
and the wife joins me in my visit to the man who is going to give me sexual
freedom. After having my testicles rolled around for the first time by a dude
he proceeds to inform me of the process which I researched myself. I begin to
sign the forms to have the surgery due and since I’m married the wife has to
sign the forms as well and that is when shit goes sideways. She doesn’t want to
sign. The doctor doesn’t want to do the surgery if the spouse has qualms about
it. So that is it. No vasectomy for 2002 Adrian. As we have sex over the next
few years I sometimes dispense with the hated condom and the woman I love
proceeds to inform me that if we get pregnant it’s my fault. Owen is born in
April of 2005. In Feburary of 2007 I am allowed to get a vasectomy. At the time
I was on unemployment and her place of employment downgraded her from full time
to part time which meant her insurance was ending so now was the right time.
While I will never compare getting fixed to having a baby but it is not as pain
free as people make it out to be unless you count getting punched in the balls
by a five year old every hour for four days straight painless. During the months
that we informed people that I got a vasectomy the wife made sure to inform people
that it was all my idea. When it’s all said and done I love the three children I
have but I sure as shit don’t want anymore and sex is much better without a baby
The chances of me getting harassed by the majority of the world is very low.
Your credit score is so bad you scarcely care.
A LOT of white women will try on a black to see what the big deal is.
You aren’t expected to go down so when you do she thinks you love her.
You can misspell a bunch of words on face book and people think your just
You can borrow money from all your white friends and never return it because
they fear a confrontation and being called a racist.
You can invent a bullshit style and no will call you on it.
Having an arrest record isn’t that bad of a thing and is great for music or athletic endeavors
No one expects you to know the answer to ANYTHING so when you do you seem smart.
You can serve people Kool aid instead of pop or beer and white people will never call you on it.
White people get really nice when there are a bunch of you
Getting shot can be a point of pride
Niggerriging can save you a lot of money.
Smoking and gambling isn’t nearly as frowned upon if your black.
No one really expects you to get married so when you do… divorce
isn’t a big surprise.
I like beer. To the rot gut to my standby to the sublime. I don’t start drink beer
until I moved in with my future wife. The first beer I had was a MILLER LITE and I
had to eat sunflower seeds to kill the taste. My taste buds have been refined quite
a bit in twenty years and most like beers may as well be yellow water. As long as there
are new beers made I will try then. This list of beers is by any means complete. My guess
this is a third of the beers I have had.
Most BUDWEISER products: Piss water that gives me a headache.
With MICHELOB being the exception
COORS LITE, MILLER LITE, BUD LITE taste nearly the same
PAULANER SALVATOR: If I believed in a god I would say he made this beer
STELLA ARTOIS: not bad. the after taste is good
STEEL RESERVE: FUCK YOU
HEINEKEN: makes my farts smell like I eat zombie flesh
URBOCK 23: I had this beer in one of those bars that have 99 beers. This beer
was so strong (9.6 % ) I drank two and switch back to regular beer or I would
have run the risk of getting drunk in two hours. awesome.
SOL: not bad
TECATE: my standby Mexican
CORONA: If I need to add lime and salt to drink it why would I by it?
RED STRIPE: FUCK YOU JAMACA. stick to weed and rum
312 URBAN WHEAT: Don’t really know what it means but it is from Chicago and
it’s pretty damn good.
LAND SHARK: ok
LOWENBRAU: bad farts
BECKS: bad farts
ZIMA: I actually liked it
OLD ENGLISH 800: fuck you
RED DOG: ok
MILLER GENUINE DRAFT: I have had worse
TEQUIZA: my main grip is that it was so week
SAM ADAM’S: nothing to write home about
BLUE MOON: very good
ROLLING ROCK: is/was very good
HONEY BROWN: not bad
GEORGE KILLIAN’S IRISH RED: this is the only beer that I
ever liked and it just stop tasting good.
CAMO: FUCK YOU
SAPPORO: 3 out of 5
TSINGTAO: if I wanted a cat to piss in my mouth I would own a cat
WOMEN BEING TREATED AS EQUALS
A CURE FOR CANCER
DIET ANYTHING THAT TASTES AS GOOD AS THE REGULAR
STUPID PEOPLE STOP BREEDING
ANY POLICE FORCE ADMITING THEY FUCKED UP
TOM CRUISE COMING OUT
TYLER PERRY COMING OUT
FIND OUT WHO WAS JACK THE RIPPER
FIGURE OUT HOW THE SHOW FOR PEDOPHILES “TODDLERS AND TIARAS”
EVER GOT THE GREENLIGHT
GOVERNMENT REVEAL ALL THE DIRT THEY HAVE DONE
IN THE NAME OF NATIONAL SECURITY
MEN UNDERSTAND WOMEN
MEN STOP PISSING ON THE TOLIET SEAT
MEN NOT UNDERSTANDING THAT SEX WILL NOT SOLVE EVERYTHING
WOMEN NOT GET THE FACT THAT GOOD ORAL SEX CAN MAKE LIFE
MORE HARMONIOUS FOR EVERYONE
PARENTS STOP FUCKING UP THEIR KIDS WITH THEIR OWN DEAMONS
Since my wife and I have been together I’ve been dragged to at about seven weddings and receptions
which comes out to about three every two years. First of all I would like to say marriage is a worthy
endeavor especially if you’re not too much of an asshole and plan on having kids. I’ve never had
a problem with the wedding although it is really more of a woman’s forte. I don’t think the average
man would give a damn if he got married over the phone. Weddings are over with in relatively short
time an hour and a half tops and those are the Catholic one. Everything goes down here from the
moment you leave the church.
I would like to know how come no can pick a reception that is less then forty milesfrom the
wedding.Your god forbid that you are not familiar with the city this shindig is going down.
that’s another thirty minutes you’ll never get back. I’ve been to one reception that actually
took place in a reception hall. VFW’s are the norm in this area of America. You find the table
you and plus one will be sitting and of course your sitting by God’s parents who have
nothing better to do except talk to you about the most inane crap on the planet “how ’bout
them Bears? “How do you know the happy couple” “Great day for a wedding huh?” “You
wouldn’t have an extra Depends on you? I plan on drinking and I piss like a racehorse
when I do”. Great now I have to deal with Barnaby Jones and his hag until the old folk’s
bus comes for them.
“Drink drink drink” is what goes thru my mind. If there was ever a need to use alcohol as a
crutch to get past something this is definitely it. Open bar? cool! Watered down drink? Not
cool. I have never gotten drunk at a reception and believe me I’ve tried. The only people
who seem drunk are the bastards in the wedding party and I wouldn’t want to trade
places with them for all the watermelons in the South. Then they announce the happy
couple…. why? I was just at your wedding and the people who could only make the
reception already know who you are. Are they announcing the happy couple again to
be sure some dumb ass didn’t come to the wrong hall or VFW? A clear indication
you’re at the wrong one is the lack of anyone you know at the reception.
Right on time are the speeches from the people who took part in the wedding that
absolutely love their best friend and his/her new mate. This is the time a wish I was
a mind reader because I know the maid of honor is saying in her mind “Why is she
marrying that ass after I told her I did him twice and he gave me genital warts?”
and the best man is thinking “This stupid bastard picked the craziest woman he
could possible find, I don’t care how good she is in bed his is doomed! Doomed!
DOOMED!!” Here comes the food but you go it by order of importance so if you’re
low on the totem pole you’ll be eating in an hour or so. Mostaccioli , roast beef,
mashed potatoes, and green bean casserole, is that about right? All bland and
tasteless as most food is when produced in bulk. One side note is that I’ve never
been to a wedding with black people getting married. I don’t know what it says
about the black people I know but I get the feeling that a black wedding would
be same bs different food.
Worst of all is the horrible music and the tacky line dancing. Why is there music
from the fifties and early sixties on that damn dj’s hit list? I’ve seen white people
dance funny already so even that is no longer holds any interest to me. And to
top it off there was the time one of my wife’s aunt got drunk and horny offered
her “services” in the men’s bathroom. I know what you’re thinking but I
thought I can’t drunk at a reception so no I did not. I’m getting sad and pissed
just thinking about this and the fact that I know I’ll have to go to at least
twenty more in my life time. when I’m the old fart asking “which way is the
bathroom? My piss bag is getting full”
Ps. Just kidding about the drunk and horny aunt thing even though I’m
sure it’s happened before somewhere