Raymond stories

My little brother Raymond had a bad stutter when he was small. My aunt Wanda said that he’d been

tickled too much as a baby, which is of course an old wives tale. The funniest thing that ever happened

to him that I saw was when my brothers and I were on our way home from school and we were on the

California ave bus when pudding tang (nick name) had to pee and there was nothing to pee into so he

had his first accident of the day. After we got off the bus and were less than a mile away from home he

had to go number two and he of course could not hold. I remember thinking as he shook his leg to

remove the poop that was travelling slowly down his pant legs that seeing him do that was

funny, disgusting, and sad as hell all at the same. Older brother being put off by the sight

walked ahead of us and I can recall thinking he was not my real brother because we had different

daddy’s. For some ungodly reason Ray always had snot running down his nose covering his lower lip

(that’s how I remember it anyway) regardless of the time of year or what was going on snot ran down

his nose

Back in the day My mother bought Raymond and I an S-Curl kit. I assume most of you are white and

have no idea what I’m talking about. S-Curl was/is a hair texturizer (it makes the knappy hair more

manageable) like the Jheri Curl (If my white friends don’t know what I am talking about go to

Wikipedia or watch Coming To America) but it was a do it yourself home kit and the chemical

that made the hair more manageable was a lot weaker with the S-Curl. I was the first to undergo

the process. I can tell you that it did burn those last few minutes and I was more then happy to

rinse that shit out of my hair. Did it work? I don’t have the knappiest hair in the world (one

white grandfather does that) so yes it did. Raymond’s hair was slightly finer. I don’t know

if that had anything to do with his reaction to the chemicals of the “hair maker betterer” but

it was not fucking nice. About three minutes after putting the S-Curl in his hair he started

to tell my mother it burned. “You have to keep it in for like twenty minutes Ray.” Is what my

mother told him. About two minutes later “Momma this burns! this burns bad momma!” He start to

actually jump up and down and run back and forth in the apartment. “Momma wash it out! wash it

out now!” By this time I am almost fucking crying this was so funny. He is running in place with

his eyes popping out of his fucking head. My mother is not a cruel woman so she washes the S-

Curl out of his scalp but she laughs nearly the entire time she’s doing it. The texturizer did

indeed work but Raymond’s scalp was beet fucking red and you could literally see his head throb.

That was so fucking funny!

The road to becoming an athiest started in the fourth grade

We had a Japanese teacher called Mr. Yoshitaki and from what I remember we were a bunch of

little bastards. Not that we cursed him or anything like that but he certainly did not listen to

him at all. St Malachi being a catholic school would of course had religious teachings. On a few

occasions a nun would come and instruct us on the ways of the lord. This woman was odd in

more ways than one. First of all she was black, I had never seen a black nun in person and I

can’t recall ever seeing one again. The nun had a disturbing habit of smiling one second and the

next she would show no expression whatsoever, flat faced is what I recollect thinking.

The lesson she taught was your average god is great god is god and you have to be good to get

into heaven bit. I had heard it before but I was a good little Catholic boy so I listened intently.

One thing she mentioned has stuck with me to this day. As she was telling us there was the one

and only god and no other god. The nun went on to explain that a long time ago people

believed in many different gods like Zeus and Isis but they we all made up. Some kid asked was

god made up also and this black woman went pale. “No there is only God and he is real” is what

came out of her mouth. “Why?” some other little curious black child asked “Because we said

so” is what left her lips. That seemed very odd to me. Zeus,Horus,Apollo are made up fictional

god but the you believe in is real because you say so. That bothered me even then. You say

something is real and that makes it so. I was a good boy so of course I went along with the

program but I will also remember the nun and her very bad choice of words that started me on

the twenty year path to atheism. Months later little brother and I would have to leave St.

Malachi when for some reason my mother could no longer afford to send us to Catholic school

and I buried that incident for years.