The blue caddy

The car that killed me was a 74′ Cadillac and it was blue in color. My brothers

and I were in a foster home at the time. It was my sixth birthday and like any

red blood American child I wanted candy to celebrate. My older brother Ed was

tasked with taking me to a corner store to get some penny candy. As we came to a

street I decided that I was old enough to cross the street myself. I pulled away

from my brother’s grip and ran into the path of an on coming car. I was told most

of this because I don’t remember what happened. That is not entirely true. I

remember exactly what transpired. I died on my sixth birthday under a car.

I was told that the bumper of the Cadillac hit me and I bounced off but in reality

I was dragged under the passenger side of the car.The front tire runs over my back

crushing the majority of my ribs. As the wheel ran over my body and destroying

my new clothes it violently turns my body over. The rear tire flattens

my sternum pushing blood, urine and feces from all of my orifices. I will be alive

for another three minutes.

My older brother is on his knees. He is too shocked to even cry. People gather to

see the boy who has died on his birthday. I think of my brother Raymond and my

mother. How will they react when they discover that I have died.

I tell myself that I am not died. I tell my self that this is little more then a

scratch and I will be back at my foster mother’s May house in a week or two. I tell

my brain to make believe that I go back to my mother’s care in a few months time.

I make my brain tell me that I am 7 years old and living at 730 N Sawyer and my

best friend is still Christopher Wright. My mind has experienced such pain that

it refuses to let me be happy. My mind knows happy it not normal for me. It creates

scenarios were I am molested by a friend of my older brother. It let’s me think

that I spend cold winters huddled in one room with the rest of the family and hot

summers with no electricity or gas. It makes me feel alone and abandoned. My mind

lets my know that suicide is an option that I will gladly indulge when the pain

is too great. Even brain lets me find a love but only to cheat on her shortly

after the birth of our first child. My dying brain makes me a shiftless and

lazy man who is a bad copy of a father and husband who can’t hold a job and feel

sorry for myself.

I fight for control of my dying minutes. I push happiness into my mind. I help

to make kids who will become adults that my wife and I will be proud of. I

overcome my troubled mind to become a better person. I make my mind push myself

through school and beyond. I make myself see my grandchildren and great

grandchildren who are every color of the rainbow. I make my brain see me on

my death bed with my children and the woman I love around me.

Then I close my eyes.

SOMETHING IS WRONG (Or jesus christ that guy is whiny!!)

With the way this planet is being run. Something is wrong with the way humans have been treating

each other since our man ape forefathers took that tentative step done from the tree and first placed

his foot on solid earth. Thousands of years horror and atrocity in the name of many gods,politics, land

and out and out greed. My personal hope is that we are still in our infancy as a intelligent species of

primate because the alternative is that we are so so so so so so fucked. Can you imagine if the violent

ape known as man were to leave this planet and discover a world full of diamonds, gold, or an

infinite source of fuel or free labor (that’s code for slaves people) with only one thing impeding them,

the people who inhabit that planet. Just ask the Indians what happens when people with better

technology and treaties want something of your’s. All of a sudden you have a new god and new way to

speak and you’re no longer on top of the food chain.

We have believed in something beyond this life before we had cities and that has not kept us from

treating our brothers and sister like shit to be used and disgarded like so much trash. Clearly

religion is not the answer. If it had the answers some of the mysteries of life it would have been explained

by now. Some guy in the past (it had to be a man) decided to sit down and write all of the oral stories

on paper in a way that suited him and the people whom he conspired with others around him

and abracadabra! You have a major religion. Over time they weed out the parts that no longer jive with

the ideology of the time period. I can promise you that the bible as you know will have been altered in

five hundred years.

Something is wrong with the humanity or we are being steered to oblivion by the people who control us.

I don’t know you but I think we really need to change to way we think and act on a global level. When I

got a loan from the bank to buy a house my wife and I signed documents for “money” that I never saw

with my own eyes. I pay interest on electronic money that was transferred from one money changer to

other. This world system of finance is not for the benefit of majority of the world. I refuse to believe

that there is not “money” to go around were we all can live in a comfortable abode. Nothing fancy just

enough to get by with a little to spare. Don’t get me wrong there will always be people who will strive

for more out of live and if they work for it they should have it. But because a person has more money

and better connections does not give them the right or privilege to govern the people who just want a

simple and happy life. Powerful men and women who you will never see pull the strings of government

officials around the world to manipulate things as they see fit regardless of the outcome to you and your

loved ones, in other they don’t give a fuck about you.

Americans have never had a true democracy and you rights are only privledges that you will happily

give up when someone threatens your way of life or taken away without you realizing it. Not one

single person on this planet who’s family has not been in a position of power for quite some time

has ever truly been free, sorry. Being just a number on a paper myself I can empathize but lets

be honest some of the daily horror is in fact partly of your own doing. There should never be one

staving person on this earth. If people outside of America saw how much food I use to throw away on a

regular basis they would in all likelihood cry. You can show me a picture of a hungry bloated

belly black baby but you can’t feed him and his family. On the other hand little white

girls and women in America and Europe are starving themselves because of some misguided and bullshit

body image issue holy shit pity party for the poor little rich girl!

A good education is the best way to combat lies and misinformation. Indoctrination is what have.

People are taught to hate and ridicule the day we enter kindergarten. Have you ever stop to truly

think what is at stake if we let these people take us further down the shit storm then we already have?

Of course not Real Housewives is on. We have let unstable egotistical alpha males and females run our

world based on how well they give a speech (Hitler,Obama) and how much fear they can instill in you

when they blame your problems on the enemy ie, blacks,whites jews, liberals,gays, breeders,jesus fans,

atheist neo conservaitives, immigrants, mexicans, arabs, aryans,tree hugging hippes, cigar chommping

fucking business men (pick whatever brings out the irrational hate in you) or some perceived

social ill ( the rain forest, teen pregnancy, hip hop, charlie manson, drugs, pollution, Eminem,award

shows,Brittney Spears, terrorism and of course Flava Flav)We are being led down a path hate,

stupidity and fear and if we don’t climb out of the muck, overthrow the controllers of this world and

evolve into the true caretakers of our brothers and sisters and this planet we will degenerate into

something out of THE ROAD (I read the book first). Will there always be hate, avarice, and prejudice in

the human animal of course but I think if we really tried we could harness love and a willingness to help

ourselves just as easily. We don’t have to be like this.