white people problems / black people problems: extreme edition

YES THESE ARE GENERALIZATIONS BASED ON RACE BASED ON MY OBSERVATIONS.

White people problem 1: GETTING LOST IN THE WILD. At least six times a year a white

person (sometimes a group of them) get lost at sea or Yellowstone or a snowy forest

or a sun scorched desert or just taking a nice walk in a wooded area. Some Whites

seem to be either bored or adventurous when it comes to taking a vacation or just

having fun which is why I suspect they wind up with their arms stuck under rocks

for a extended period. I still have a hard time believing they made that into a

movie. This is the black equivalent of a movie starring a guy trying to evade child

support payments. We can’t you just go to the Smithsonian? Get it together Tad!

Black people problem 1: GETTING SHOT BECAUSE YOU’RE AT THE WRONG PLACE AND TIME.

Look Tyrone I know you want to go out and party with your homies and have a good

time but you need to consider a few things. Do any of your home boys happen to be

in a gang that necessitate them carrying a gun for protection and raise the chance

that you may catch a hot one by mistake? Are you going a place where sometimes

“misunderstandings” happen frequently (like every weekend) namely clubs,

parties, baby showers, funerals, er rooms, movie theaters, shopping malls, and

of course Walmart. Will there be people there known to “jump shit off” on a

regular period. IF YOU SEE TOO MAMY NIGGAS AVOID THESE PLACES.

White people problems 2: THINKING YOU CAN KILL YOUR WIFE OR MATE AND OUT

SMART THE POLICE. Scott Petersen, Drew Petersen, Jason Young, Steve Acuna,

Steven Sherer, Susan Smith, Fred Neulander,Craig Rabinowitz, Michele Williams

Pamela Moss. I know what you are going to say white people “all races kill

you ignorant bastard!” You would be right of course but this isn’t about

killers. This is about white people trying to make a murder look like an

tragic accident (a fall in a dry tub) or reporting your wife missing when you

know good and well the person is in not in Vegas living the good life. Some

whites goes as far as blaming the scary ubiquitous black man who not only car

jacks you and your pregnant wife but manages to shoot her dead while only grazing

your temple? Do yourself a favor Tad and just get a divorce.

Black people problems 2: AVOIDING CHILD SUPPORT / LETTING GRANDMA RAISE YOUR KIDS.

Is there a legitimate reason why so many black men lie down with several women

have more then a few children littered over several area codes and don’t provide

for then financially, emotionally, and a physical presence in the life of their

seeds? FUCK NO. The “white devil is holding me down” speech was old when I was a

kid. There is more financial aid for the average poor person then anyone “middle

class” Getting hooked on crack and letting your old tired mother raise another

generation of blacks is always going to be a hit or miss. Some of these women can

rise to the occasion and some are just overwhelmed. Watching your kids screw up to the

point where you have to look after your grand babies has got to be daunting and

frustrating. That is a job I would not want.

White people problems 3: NOT HAVING THE GOOD SENSE TO KNOW WHEN SOMETHING MAY

BE RACIST OR VERY INSULTING. Everyone on this planet knows that whites control

the majority of what occurs on this planet. You would think that kind of power

and entitlement would make them magnanimous. You would be wrong. America has

been in control of the white race since it was stolen fair and square from the

red man. Yet nearly every week I can find a new joke or slur directed toward one

race or another. You seem to have a callous disregard for the native people

you ran over and the slaves you brought here. Is this the act of a true conqueror?

A part of me knows that this is a response to the average white man feeling

marginalized in this new world. A lot of brown people seem to be gaining in strength

and numbers but that does not equate to wealth and power. Let me tell you something

to ease your unease. You will always be in power in America and most of the world.

You may lose some power to the asians but for the most part you will be in control for the

foreseeable future. You own it all so fucking relax, have a cigar and act like

the conquerors you are and stop it with all the mud people jokes. Be above it

Black people problems 3: PULLING OUT THAT RACE CARD EVERYTIME A WHITE PERSON

SAYS SOMETHING YOU DON’T WANT HEAR. Not everything that a asshole white person

does is not based on the fact that your are black. Maybe that shitty white person

is having a especially shitty day. Maybe his wife left him, maybe he found out his

son was gay and he can’t handle it. Maybe this white cashier has been told to check

all bills over twenty dollars and she is not doing it because your black. Not all

white cops are super racist and pulled your over because you have a pretty white

women in the passenger seat. Maybe you were speeding. Maybe your tail light is

out. Maybe little Jamarcus got a f in class because he wasn’t paying attention

and not the obviously racist second grade math teacher. A lot of white people

are not racist. Some just have no fucking clue of how to interact with us. Give

him or her the benefit of the doubt before you jump in that ass. If you find out

that they simply don’t like black people the you have my permission to light

their asses the fuck up.

The things you do for friends

About two weeks before my biggest asthma attack ever I was over in my old neighborhood waiting

for some someone to show up. It was friday afternoon and I decided to hang with my friends before

going home. After sitting on my grandmother’s porch for about an hour or so my best friend

arrived. We talked about our experiences so far in high school and whatever teens boys at that

time talked about. After a while we decided to go get something to eat. Chinese food, ribs and

average American fare awaited us three blocks over. On our way there we spotted this kid

getting his ass kicked by a bunch of Vice Lords. My best friend and I knew this nigga but he was

kind of a asshole to me so I didn’t give a shit. It would not have been the first time I saw

someone get their ass kicked. My best friend knew this guy longer then I did and he wanted to

defend him and since my best friend was my best friend I had to defend his stupid ass. While

we confronted these seven or eight gentlemen the guy who were trying to protect split the

scene. The ringleader hit my best friend with one punch and knocked his two front teeth out.

Fuck I thought to myself now I actually have to fight. Being born and raised on the Westside of

Chicago I made it a point for most of my life to carry some kind of weapon on me and that day

was no exception. I had a brand new acid wash denim jacket (Fuck you it was 87′ acid wash was

the shit then) with a nice length of chain in my pocket. I took it out wrapped it around my hand

a punched one guy in the temple as hard as I could. I didn’t even get a chance to see if the nigga

I hit went down. The next thing I remember I was crawling up in a ball getting the shit kick out

of me by six or seven motherfucker. getting up from the beating I recall this old man smiling at

me saying something but I guess pain makes you deaf for a while. After we got up and went home

my best friend was headed to the doctor with a bruised and bloody face. My oldest cousin who

was a State Trooper happened to be visiting on Sawyer asked me if I wanted to handle it. I

thought about it for a second and said no. I didn’t live there anymore but my best friend did

what would have happened if these niggas tried to pay him back? No I just went home with a

pounding headache that lasted a week and a little blood in my urine. Ah the good old days.