Vasectomy day

Ladies, have you ever eaten you food for while it’s covered in plastic?

go ahead and try it. I know you’re not but if you did the taste of your

favorite food wouldn’t pair nicely with Saran wrap. No mouth feel, blunted

taste, it’s just horrible. I assume most of you aren’t hookers and haven’t

given head with condom on so that is the closest comparison I can come up

with. Wearing a condom is like eating your food wrapped in plastic. Having

to put one on when your married is twice as worse. This is the vagina you

are going to have for the rest of your life and you have to put up a barrier

around it so your life isn’t a Monty Pytohn sketch.FUCK THAT SHIT!!! Called

me selfish for wanting to have sex without children but I thought that was

one of the few perks of actually being married to the woman you have kids

with. What’s that your saying reader of this blog? why doesn’t your wife

take care of some of the burden of protection since she is the one who gets

preggers? Glad you asked reader. Apparently the pill made her feel wonky when

she took them which she did before we found each other at Toy r us AND a woman

getting her tubes tied is major surgery while getting a vasectomy is a

relatively quick process. I know this because she mentioned that whenever we

had a discussion about protection. Around the winter of 2002 Noah is seven and

Madigan is two. they are healthy and fairly intelligent so I figure this is

the right time to get fixed. So I make the consultation with the family doctor

and the wife joins me in my visit to the man who is going to give me sexual

freedom. After having my testicles rolled around for the first time by a dude

he proceeds to inform me of the process which I researched myself. I begin to

sign the forms to have the surgery due and since I’m married the wife has to

sign the forms as well and that is when shit goes sideways. She doesn’t want to

sign. The doctor doesn’t want to do the surgery if the spouse has qualms about

it. So that is it. No vasectomy for 2002 Adrian. As we have sex over the next

few years I sometimes dispense with the hated condom and the woman I love

proceeds to inform me that if we get pregnant it’s my fault. Owen is born in

April of 2005. In Feburary of 2007 I am allowed to get a vasectomy. At the time

I was on unemployment and her place of employment downgraded her from full time

to part time which meant her insurance was ending so now was the right time.

While I will never compare getting fixed to having a baby but it is not as pain

free as people make it out to be unless you count getting punched in the balls

by a five year old every hour for four days straight painless. During the months

that we informed people that I got a vasectomy the wife made sure to inform people

that it was all my idea. When it’s all said and done I love the three children I

have but I sure as shit don’t want anymore and sex is much better without a baby

cover.

First day back

I have been unemployed since black people thought Obama was baby jesus (tranny trick niggas!!)

My first day was uneventful. My feet felt as if they had been cartooned steam rolled but that

is par for the course. The ride home was the motherfucker. I noticed a homeless person at the

number 2 bus stop. She mentioned that “Johnny took my socks from the Y so I showed that

motherfucker how to get down!” Unfortunately I was too tired and cold to enjoy her crazy

ramblings. When I got on the bus there was one empty seat and no would sit in it. Guess what

was in the seat next to it? A another homeless person! It took me two seconds to realize why

no one would take seat next to Mr six coats but as I said before I was too tired and sore to

care and I thought to myself it was so cold that he couldn’t smell that bad right? WRONG!

FUCKING WRONG!!! This man smelled like a skunk’s taint and forty years of slow death by cheap

wine. I could smell the maddog through his pores. I still didn’t move. The young black sitting

across from took out some cologne and sprayed his neck to try and kill the smell before it reached

his nose. I didn’t work. When he got up his bottom was covered in urine and I got a fresher smell

of this man. I still didn’t moved. The next bus took even longer and some white guy who looked

like what carrot top will look in the future tried to impress upon me the tastiness of black pussy

(his words not mine) I was too cold and tired to even reply. It took me 2 hours and forty minutes

to get home and I still couldn’t fall to sleep right away. Fuck you Cota.