The upside to being black

The chances of me getting harassed by the majority of the world is very low.

Your credit score is so bad you scarcely care.

A LOT of white women will try on a black to see what the big deal is.

You aren’t expected to go down so when you do she thinks you love her.

You can misspell a bunch of words on face book and people think your just

cool.

You can borrow money from all your white friends and never return it because

they fear a confrontation and being called a racist.

You can invent a bullshit style and no will call you on it.

Having an arrest record isn’t that bad of a thing and is great for music or athletic endeavors

No one expects you to know the answer to ANYTHING so when you do you seem smart.

You can serve people Kool aid instead of pop or beer and white people will never call you on it.

White people get really nice when there are a bunch of you

Getting shot can be a point of pride

Niggerriging can save you a lot of money.

Smoking and gambling isn’t nearly as frowned upon if your black.

No one really expects you to get married so when you do… divorce

isn’t a big surprise.

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Things I don’t give a fuck about (yes there are a few)

I COULD HONESTLY NOT GIVE TWO SHITS ABOUT:

SPORTS: watching grown men play games and become superstars during their career

and brands after they finish got old for me by the time the bulls won their second

championship back in the early 90’s. Why the fuck should I support people who in

all likelihood wouldn’t even talk to me if I saw them in public. I respect stay at

home moms who can raise up right citizens more the some selfish millionaire who’s

been told since he was in high school that he was the fucking man so much that he

actually began to believe it. Half of these dumb fuckers are broke ten years later.

WHITE PEOPLE OF SAY NIGGER: I know you say it, you know you say it, we all know

you say it so let’s just cut the shit and be done with you being bashful and

ashamed when you know full well the word is powerful. That word isn’t going away

anytime soon. As long as white daughters are fucking black guys to piss their

parents off (sometimes it may even be true love) white men will always use the

word: nigger.

POLITICS: it was a scam from day one and yet for some reason we still follow these

so called leaders. They will speed humanity to our doom that much faster. I expect

my president to lie to me because no president has proven that they won’t tell lies

directly to your face while smiling and holding your baby. Keep your bullshit

opinion on Barack Obama to yourself because he is just a figure head like all

presidents. Call me when you have five million people behind you and you

want to bring the government down around its ears and start another revolution.

I DONT CARE:

IF MY TAXES GET RAISED. I’LL EAT AT WENDY’S LESS

IF WOMEN GET ABORTIONS. I DON’T HAVE A VAGINA .

IF MEXICANS JUMP THE BORDER. I DON’T WANT TO WASH DISHES FOR 50 CENTS AND HOUR

AND I DON’T LIVE BY THE BORDER.

IF YOUR CHILDREN GET FAT. WE NEED SOMEONE TO MAKE FUN OF. FATTY.

IF YOU DO DRUGS. NOT EVERY PERSON IS GOING TO BE A PRODUCTIVE CITIZEN.

AND IT MAKES BLOWJOBS EASIER TO OBTAIN.

YOU CAN LIKE ME IF YOU WANT TO. IF YOU DON’T….I COULD CARE LESS.

Things I use to believe

I used to believe that women were actually better than men. A few bad relationships

cured me of that.

When I was a kid I thought humans were like plants and if you give them water and

sunshine their limbs would grow back. odd right.

Before I became what you call an atheist I believed reincarnation and I had

dreams of past lives and I assumed that I would be born an indian boy in the next life.

A part of me still thinks that are dreams are glimpses into alternate realities.

I thought that if a gay couple adopted a “normal” child that they would make him

gay.

White people use to weird me out when I was young. I thought they smelled like wet

dog.

(I married one so clearly I got over it).

I used to wonder what was behind the sun.

I used to think that a girl’s vagina was a lot closer to her belly button.

I thought that getting molested would make me gay. I got the distinct feeling

that my family thought the same.

I used to think that my parents would get back together.

I USE TO THINK THAT IF I CONCENTRATED REALLY HARD THAT I WOULD MAKE MYSELF FLY.

I use to think I was special.

I knew for a fact that I would never cheat on my wife.

I use to think no women would ever love me.

I use to think that there would never be a “black” president.

I use to believe that mankind could prevail over its own nature.

I use to think someone was watching over us.

I use to try and tell myself life could be fair.

I use to think a lot of things that turned out to be false

or an half truth. The only thing that I know for sure is

that this man loves this wife and kids and hopes the world

can pull it’s head out of it’s ass.

A “quit your job and move to another town” moment

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Most men who work hot and loud jobs drink hard and the ones that don’t

are recovering drunks. I worked at a Steel Mill called Sheffield Steel

around the turn of the century (see what I did there) and we all drank

like a motherfucker. Guys who had been there back in the seventies and

eighties had so many wonderfully fucked up stories to tell me that I

will save for another blog but I had tell most involved hard drinks

and hookers. Even in the 90’s I would find bottles of gin and vodka

I had never heard of…… but I digress. Let me tell of a story I was

there for.

We worked what they called a southern swing at Sheffield. That means a

week of days then a week of afternoons followed by a week of midnights.

When we worked midnights we would go out drinking Friday morning at the

Lumpy Pickle (fuck you it’s not a gay bar!). The cast of drunk consisted

of myself, drinking buddies Gary and Phil, the foreman and mill manager

Michael Frickey and a few other guys. From about seven in the morning

until about 1o am. At that time Michael Frickey suggested that we go

to his house for a case or two of free beers. Who is going to turn down

free beer? So it was about 12 pm in the afternoon and Mrs. Frickey told

us nicely it was time to leave. When the woman of the house tells you

nicely to get the fuck out you get the fuck out. “Bitch you don’t tell

me what to do. My friends can leave when they want to leave. I’m the

man of this fucking house. Her response “THAT IS NOT WHAT YOU WERE

SAYING TWO DAYS AGO WHEN YOU HAD YOUR LEGS IN THE AIR AND I WAS FUCKING

YOU WITH YOUR VIBRATOR.” I was actually speechless at this. The only

thing I could think about was how there would be not way in hell that

I would ever talk to my wife like this if I know she could reveal a secret

like that. “If I was Michael I would quit and fucking move.” Is what Gary

said I we were leaving the house of Captain Vibrator (names evolving as we

drove home).

I had troubles of my own with I got home. I had told the wife that I would be

home a few hours after seven. It was closer to 1 pm when I got home and she was

super pissed. She made me go shopping with her and I didn’t get a chance to go to

sleep until 8 pm.

If you know like I do men gossip as much as women do and by Monday afternoon two

thirds of every one knew Frickey liked his wife to butt fuck him with his own

vibrator. I can honestly tell you that I would have quit the day something that

private got out.

Fuck the elders

I’m sorry did I stutter? What I meant to say was MOTHERFUCK THE ELDERS “Respect your

elders.” is a phrase a lot of older assholes say. No one ever explained to me why I should.

The best explanation I every got was a from an older woman who informed me that I

“Should respect your mother because she could have killed you.” WHAT THE FUCK? is what I

thought. Considering most people are accidents I honestly think that the elders

should be apologizing for putting us on the planet without much regard for our

feelings. The truth is your parents are selfish fuckers who were trying to cum

and you happened along. Before you say it YES as a matter of fact I do love my mother.

I just see the truth for what it is. I did not plan on having any of my kids. I am

glad they happened but daddy and mommy were trying to cum and have a good night’s

sleep.

Old people are nothing more then adults who are closer to death then you. That is

why they go to church more.

Fuck Tom Brokaw and his so called greatest generation of Americans. Because they won

a war and moved to the suburbs? Were they less racist or sexist when they got back

from killing Japs and Krauts? (their language not mine)